"The heart lies to itself because it must." - Jack Gilbert.
( 1 ) | We Are Writing
if my heart isn't in my mouth it's because it knows its place
15 June 2009 @ 05:09 pm
Scene: Maria must leave for work soon. Mom brings down dinner and sees that Maria is watching a documentary.
Mom: I like their striped suits!
Me: Mom, those people are in a concentration camp!
Mom: I like their striped suits!
Me: Mom, those people are in a concentration camp!
03 June 2009 @ 08:14 pm
UIC orientation was Monday & Tuesday. We were walking constantly all over campus and learning about all sorts of things which would be very boring for me to go over. I got a chance to get to know the campus a little more, and we stayed in the same dorm that I'll be living in.
The biggest part of it was registering for classes. They rushed us a bit in the computer lab and it was somewhat confusing, so this morning I went back and did the whole thing over again. I don't see any reason for changing it, so these are the classes I'm taking the first semester:
So, I'm pretty excited, I guess. I definitely feel more comfortable about going there. For how much money it takes they really do offer a lot, and of course, it's all in Chicago. I love the city so much.
The biggest part of it was registering for classes. They rushed us a bit in the computer lab and it was somewhat confusing, so this morning I went back and did the whole thing over again. I don't see any reason for changing it, so these are the classes I'm taking the first semester:
Introduction to PhilosophyI love how they set up choosing your schedule. The system builds as many schedules as possible out of the available seats in each class at varying times, and you have literally hundreds to pick from. I poked around for awhile comparing and contrasting, and got one I really like. My classes start at nine each morning of the week, and they're timed so that I have an hour off here and there. I don't have each class every day, and I never have a class after two in the afternoon.
Elementary Russian 101
Mathematical Reasoning
Academic Writing II
So, I'm pretty excited, I guess. I definitely feel more comfortable about going there. For how much money it takes they really do offer a lot, and of course, it's all in Chicago. I love the city so much.
Feeling: tired
26 May 2009 @ 02:50 pm
I got back from Minocqua around 8:30 last night. I really wish we had stayed a few more days. I definitely would like to go back sometime this summer.
I don't even know where to begin. I think I'll get all the pictures together and then make a post, but basically I had a really nice time. It was very sad, but it's always a relief to be around good people, and I am helplessly in love with that whole family. His grandparents were there too, and we all went out on the lake and had meals together and had a little campfire at night. It was all perfect, except that Jimmy was missing.
Before I went to sleep last night I was checking facebook, and Jonathan im'd me. He's 16 now, though I'll always think of him as the little readhead who always had a cold. Since Jimmy died he's been the oldest brother. Jayson comes next, at 12, and then Jeremy, who is 10. Anyway, he asked me how the drive was, and we talked for a minute or so, and even though I'd given him a hug when we left six hours before I wanted to give him another one through the computer because it feels like he's my little brother too, and I'm so sad for him.
Right now, in spite of having driven 700 miles over the weekend, I really feel like getting back in my car. I think I'll go to Borders and look for some books about dealing with suicide and everything. I read Carla Fine's "No Time To Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One" the summer after he died, and while it didn't really help at all, it was something.
I don't even know where to begin. I think I'll get all the pictures together and then make a post, but basically I had a really nice time. It was very sad, but it's always a relief to be around good people, and I am helplessly in love with that whole family. His grandparents were there too, and we all went out on the lake and had meals together and had a little campfire at night. It was all perfect, except that Jimmy was missing.
Before I went to sleep last night I was checking facebook, and Jonathan im'd me. He's 16 now, though I'll always think of him as the little readhead who always had a cold. Since Jimmy died he's been the oldest brother. Jayson comes next, at 12, and then Jeremy, who is 10. Anyway, he asked me how the drive was, and we talked for a minute or so, and even though I'd given him a hug when we left six hours before I wanted to give him another one through the computer because it feels like he's my little brother too, and I'm so sad for him.
Right now, in spite of having driven 700 miles over the weekend, I really feel like getting back in my car. I think I'll go to Borders and look for some books about dealing with suicide and everything. I read Carla Fine's "No Time To Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One" the summer after he died, and while it didn't really help at all, it was something.
22 May 2009 @ 08:31 pm
Tomorrow morning I'm driving the 342 miles up to Minocqua to visit Jimmy at the cemetery and spend some time with his parents and brothers. Sunday will be two years since he died.
I am unbelievably inarticulate about this. I'm looking forward to seeing Jimmy's parents as well as his three younger brothers. I only hope we aren't intruding. It must be hard enough for them to begin with, though I think Kelly enjoys getting a little break from the regular routine. Jenna and I are going to stay at the motel they own right off of the lake. I'll be back on Monday.
I am unbelievably inarticulate about this. I'm looking forward to seeing Jimmy's parents as well as his three younger brothers. I only hope we aren't intruding. It must be hard enough for them to begin with, though I think Kelly enjoys getting a little break from the regular routine. Jenna and I are going to stay at the motel they own right off of the lake. I'll be back on Monday.
Feeling: tired
16 May 2009 @ 02:13 pm
Memo to self: do not apologize or be ashamed of the things you feel, think and desire. Stay calm.
14 May 2009 @ 11:25 am
Just got back from the collision center. The damage is going to cost $2180.66, which is a lot but my mom was fairly okay with it. She thought it would be higher.
We're going to get a second opinion and then we're going to have to call this guy. My mom called my father so he's going to be the one making that call. And my father can be staggeringly terrifying. For once I'm glad of that!
Anyway, much love to my Caitlin (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
suuuuka) for being generally awesome and making sure the fucker didn't drive away, and then making sure I didn't just wander into traffic under the delirious sadness I was feeling for the back of my car. That wouldn't have been pleasant.
We're going to get a second opinion and then we're going to have to call this guy. My mom called my father so he's going to be the one making that call. And my father can be staggeringly terrifying. For once I'm glad of that!
Anyway, much love to my Caitlin (
suuuuka) for being generally awesome and making sure the fucker didn't drive away, and then making sure I didn't just wander into traffic under the delirious sadness I was feeling for the back of my car. That wouldn't have been pleasant.Feeling: annoyed, tired
14 May 2009 @ 10:20 am
I should never have left the house yesterday. Some little motherfucker rear ended me.
The light turns yellow, and I was in a window where I could have gone had I wanted to. If I had gone, however, I would have been running the light, so to be a decent citizen, I stop. The guy behind me, however, apparently wanted to go and felt my car would just lift into the air and let him through.
There's that awful sound, and Caitlin and I all of a sudden found ourselves in the middle of the intersection. Luckily the oncoming traffic held tight for a minute so I could get out of the way. Meanwhile, the cup ashtray thing had flown out of the cup holder, the shade on the sunroof had opened, and my glasses had flown off of my face and onto the floor mat of the passenger side. Caitlin and I also lurched forward quite a bit, and my neck is currently in huge amounts of pain.
I pulled over onto the shoulder, glad that Caitlin was able to maintain her composure since I was having a little breakdown. The guy who hit me hadn't pulled over, and had actually backed up so he was behind the line back at the intersection. Caitlin gets out and makes it obvious that she's on her phone calling the police and can see his plates, and he pulls over. I have no idea where the hell my mind was at this point. Caitlin had told me to stay in the car, which she said was partly because she didn't want me to have to see the damage (as it did sound really bad) and because she thought I might just sort of wander off into traffic [lol].
The cop got there really quickly, got my info, went to get his and then came back to us. He looks at us and says, "Just to let you guys know, he doesn't have insurance." GAH. Things were further complicated by the fact that the intersection was the border between Aurora and North Aurora. We were parked on the side of the street in North Aurora, but he'd hit me in Aurora, so we ended up waiting a half hour or so for Aurora's cops to get there.
For how bad it sounded and felt, the damage really isn't so bad, considering how fast he was going. The bumper is dented and out of alignment, the tail light popped out and the trunk won't open. The car of the guy who hit me was reeaaaally fucked up. The whole front was basically gone, and there was a crack in his radiator.
The Aurora cop did the report and asked the guy why he didn't have insurance. He can't afford it. This bastard was driving a 1989 Chevy Celebrity. How the fuck much can that cost to insure? Not even full coverage, just the bare minimum? This guy had better be able and willing to pay for whatever needs to be fixed, because I'll be more than happy to take him to court. My insurance company is not going to care that it wasn't my fault, and I'm not going to pay more just because this idiot can't look where he's going, use a break pedal and give up $30 a month to insure his fucking car.
So in a little while Caitlin and I are going up to some collision place to have it looked at. One thing after another.
The light turns yellow, and I was in a window where I could have gone had I wanted to. If I had gone, however, I would have been running the light, so to be a decent citizen, I stop. The guy behind me, however, apparently wanted to go and felt my car would just lift into the air and let him through.
There's that awful sound, and Caitlin and I all of a sudden found ourselves in the middle of the intersection. Luckily the oncoming traffic held tight for a minute so I could get out of the way. Meanwhile, the cup ashtray thing had flown out of the cup holder, the shade on the sunroof had opened, and my glasses had flown off of my face and onto the floor mat of the passenger side. Caitlin and I also lurched forward quite a bit, and my neck is currently in huge amounts of pain.
I pulled over onto the shoulder, glad that Caitlin was able to maintain her composure since I was having a little breakdown. The guy who hit me hadn't pulled over, and had actually backed up so he was behind the line back at the intersection. Caitlin gets out and makes it obvious that she's on her phone calling the police and can see his plates, and he pulls over. I have no idea where the hell my mind was at this point. Caitlin had told me to stay in the car, which she said was partly because she didn't want me to have to see the damage (as it did sound really bad) and because she thought I might just sort of wander off into traffic [lol].
The cop got there really quickly, got my info, went to get his and then came back to us. He looks at us and says, "Just to let you guys know, he doesn't have insurance." GAH. Things were further complicated by the fact that the intersection was the border between Aurora and North Aurora. We were parked on the side of the street in North Aurora, but he'd hit me in Aurora, so we ended up waiting a half hour or so for Aurora's cops to get there.
For how bad it sounded and felt, the damage really isn't so bad, considering how fast he was going. The bumper is dented and out of alignment, the tail light popped out and the trunk won't open. The car of the guy who hit me was reeaaaally fucked up. The whole front was basically gone, and there was a crack in his radiator.
The Aurora cop did the report and asked the guy why he didn't have insurance. He can't afford it. This bastard was driving a 1989 Chevy Celebrity. How the fuck much can that cost to insure? Not even full coverage, just the bare minimum? This guy had better be able and willing to pay for whatever needs to be fixed, because I'll be more than happy to take him to court. My insurance company is not going to care that it wasn't my fault, and I'm not going to pay more just because this idiot can't look where he's going, use a break pedal and give up $30 a month to insure his fucking car.
So in a little while Caitlin and I are going up to some collision place to have it looked at. One thing after another.
Feeling: aggravated
13 May 2009 @ 11:19 am
This will be a boring entry, as nothing interesting has been happening. At the moment Caitlin and I are sitting in the basement, which happens to be rather dark since it's raining outside, and we're watching the original series of Star Trek. I'm rather enjoying the total geek-fest I'm going through at the moment. It gives me something to think about.
Lately I've also felt a strong desire to be creative, yet I find myself sitting in front of my moleskine with no ability to formulate anything that might look mildly interesting.
I'm feeling alright today. It's the first day in what feels like several weeks that I've not either been working or had some sort of appointment or responsibility. I took my car to the dealership and got the cluster replaced yesterday morning, so everything is working properly there. And that's about it. I intend to spend the rest of this day sitting here doing absolutely nothing.
Lately I've also felt a strong desire to be creative, yet I find myself sitting in front of my moleskine with no ability to formulate anything that might look mildly interesting.
I'm feeling alright today. It's the first day in what feels like several weeks that I've not either been working or had some sort of appointment or responsibility. I took my car to the dealership and got the cluster replaced yesterday morning, so everything is working properly there. And that's about it. I intend to spend the rest of this day sitting here doing absolutely nothing.