Home Run Inn with the family was fun, if rather sad because Laura wasn't there. For years it was Susie, Laura, my mom and me meeting there on Wednesday nights, and now she's gone. Mom had a gift card that Laura had given her, so she was pitching in. Then for some reason when my grandparents left we all watched them walk away from the table until they turned a corner and we couldn't see them anymore. I spent most of the evening an inch away from bursting into tears. I don't know if I was just being sentimental or if it's going away to school, though as my grandma said, "It's not as if she's going off to war!" My grandpa told me to stay away from the boys, because I'm his girl and he doesn't want anything to happen to me. He also told my mom later that he was having trouble eating his pizza because my boobs are so big, and that I should be careful of that too because the boys will like those. This is even more disturbing if you know my grandpa. Moving on.

Later in the evening there was some commotion outside of our house. I live in a duplex right now and the people who live in the attachment were having some kind of emergency, so there was a fire truck and an ambulance parked in front of our house. Jenna and I went outside and ended up talking to Dan for a long time about random bullshit. When Caitlin got off of work she came over too, and we all talked while sitting on the trampoline until after midnight.

Today I went with Caitlin to her grandma's birthday party, which was fun but odd since I'm almost never in a family setting outside of that of my own family. The weather went crazy, and then we came back here where we just sat around as usual. We're planning on having breakfast tomorrow morning and going shopping for last minute things I'll need.

Other than that I really just need to clean. I need to figure out what clothes I'm bringing and also sort through my books and decide what to bring. I want to always make sure to be reading a book just for myself outside of anything for school. I had wanted to start with The Brothers Karamazov because I haven't read that one, but I think I'll start with Everything Is Illuminated simply because it'll be easier at the start of everything. I also need to finish Dostoevsky's The Adolescent, which I've been reading on and off since before Jimmy died and I'm only about halfway through it. The last time I read any large portion of it I was sitting in Andrey's kitchen while he worked on the area leading to the laundry room.

I'd also like to keep updating this at a higher frequency, since LJ, letters, phone calls, texts and possibly web cams will be my only way of talking to Caitlin and that isn't nearly enough to satisfy either of us.

My Russian professor posted the syllabus for the course! I was wondering how fast paced it was going to be and it doesn't look like it's going to be too difficult. It begins with the alphabet/pronunciation and learning to write in print as well as cursive. I already know these things. It is incredibly reassuring to know I'm not going to be completely blind going in.

Courses begin on the 24th, which gives me from after my mom and Caitlin leave me there on Wednesday until the Convocation on Sunday. They have a bunch of "freshman activities", a phrase that makes me cringe for fear that they will be like the ones at the orientation where they had us saying our name and an animal that starts with the first letter of our name to help everyone remember that Random Person 12 has hopes and dreams just like they do. It's funny, they're hoping that we all straighten up and act like adults, yet they want me to run around campus going, "Maria, monkey!" for four days.

But! not everything seems silly like that. I signed up to go see Jersey Boys. The cost - $8! I'm also going on a boat tour through the city which should be absolutely beautiful. There's shopping on Michigan Avenue and State Street as well, and I'm going to do that regardless of whether I've made any "friends" by that point. I might as well go with a group so I feel comfortable going alone later. As I've said, I really want to get comfortable with the city.

Last night Caitlin (suuuuka) and I made a lovely little trip to Chili's, where we indulged ourselves with fake margaritas. I'm going to miss my Poopikins so much! She had better use her livejournal. We also need to get stamps so we can write each other letters.

I've also neglected to mention that a few days ago I went fishing with Caitlin and her boyfriend Ben. We had a lot of fun, and went out to eat afterwards. Unfortunately it was late so we gobbled down appetizers and ice cream and left. Picture time! The first one is me, the second is Caitlin. I'm the only one that caught a bass!




Anyway, this is my last weekend here. It still isn't real to me so it's odd when people ask me if I'm nervous or excited. I'm looking forward to it, that's all I can say.

My mom and I are going shopping this morning for little food items, though I'd like to be healthy about it so I have no idea what to get. Tonight we're meeting most of the family (my Auntie Judy, Tio & Rapha are on a trip, sadness!) at Home Run Inn. Four more days!

Okay, that last entry is definitely one I would have made private if I had thought about it for more than two seconds. Crazy Maria is crazy.

So anyway, I got a new phone yesterday! Samsung Impression:


I was going for the Jack because I don't really like touch screens (especially the Eternity my sister has) but the keys were really close together. I guess I'm on the only end of my generation, because I'd really rather someone call me rather than text me. I really like this phone though. It's definitely nice to have something other than that razr.

Aaaand.... exactly two weeks until I'm moving to the city.

Note to self: whenever you feel yourself becoming melodramatic or feel that you are falling into a Dostoevskian romance with your own suffering and sadness, look at this:


and remember that it's just that simple.

"The heart lies to itself because it must." - Jack Gilbert.

Scene: Maria must leave for work soon. Mom brings down dinner and sees that Maria is watching a documentary.

Mom: I like their striped suits!
Me: Mom, those people are in a concentration camp!

UIC orientation was Monday & Tuesday. We were walking constantly all over campus and learning about all sorts of things which would be very boring for me to go over. I got a chance to get to know the campus a little more, and we stayed in the same dorm that I'll be living in.

The biggest part of it was registering for classes. They rushed us a bit in the computer lab and it was somewhat confusing, so this morning I went back and did the whole thing over again. I don't see any reason for changing it, so these are the classes I'm taking the first semester:

Introduction to Philosophy
Elementary Russian 101
Mathematical Reasoning
Academic Writing II

I love how they set up choosing your schedule. The system builds as many schedules as possible out of the available seats in each class at varying times, and you have literally hundreds to pick from. I poked around for awhile comparing and contrasting, and got one I really like. My classes start at nine each morning of the week, and they're timed so that I have an hour off here and there. I don't have each class every day, and I never have a class after two in the afternoon.

So, I'm pretty excited, I guess. I definitely feel more comfortable about going there. For how much money it takes they really do offer a lot, and of course, it's all in Chicago. I love the city so much.

I got back from Minocqua around 8:30 last night. I really wish we had stayed a few more days. I definitely would like to go back sometime this summer.

I don't even know where to begin. I think I'll get all the pictures together and then make a post, but basically I had a really nice time. It was very sad, but it's always a relief to be around good people, and I am helplessly in love with that whole family. His grandparents were there too, and we all went out on the lake and had meals together and had a little campfire at night. It was all perfect, except that Jimmy was missing.

Before I went to sleep last night I was checking facebook, and Jonathan im'd me. He's 16 now, though I'll always think of him as the little readhead who always had a cold. Since Jimmy died he's been the oldest brother. Jayson comes next, at 12, and then Jeremy, who is 10. Anyway, he asked me how the drive was, and we talked for a minute or so, and even though I'd given him a hug when we left six hours before I wanted to give him another one through the computer because it feels like he's my little brother too, and I'm so sad for him.

Right now, in spite of having driven 700 miles over the weekend, I really feel like getting back in my car. I think I'll go to Borders and look for some books about dealing with suicide and everything. I read Carla Fine's "No Time To Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One" the summer after he died, and while it didn't really help at all, it was something.

Tomorrow morning I'm driving the 342 miles up to Minocqua to visit Jimmy at the cemetery and spend some time with his parents and brothers. Sunday will be two years since he died.


I am unbelievably inarticulate about this. I'm looking forward to seeing Jimmy's parents as well as his three younger brothers. I only hope we aren't intruding. It must be hard enough for them to begin with, though I think Kelly enjoys getting a little break from the regular routine. Jenna and I are going to stay at the motel they own right off of the lake. I'll be back on Monday.